the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
BRING THE BAGELS
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
