I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
