I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
