I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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