You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
