break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
