I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I will be naked everywhere
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
