My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
