Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
