after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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