he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
