I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
