Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize