i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Vodka?
Forever.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
