ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
