let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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