Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How does one acquire holy water?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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