she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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