we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
