O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
