they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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