if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
