And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
