I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
