i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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