Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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