So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
