4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
