She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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