And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
