Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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