I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Randomize
