we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
