She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
