I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
