if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
