It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
