that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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