someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
