I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
