just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
