dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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