I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
