Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
