I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
