I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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