I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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