She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
