I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
