I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
