I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You ruined the universe
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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