Pregnant stripper...not hot.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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