how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
