u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
