I think my vagina is haunted
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
