i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
