:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
