I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
