she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
