What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Two words: blizzard sex
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
