JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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