Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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