These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
