Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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