and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
