dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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