The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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