singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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