this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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