Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
