By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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