I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
party gras won. party gras always wins.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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